Goodbyes
October 19th, 2009 by melisI need to post a blog, I took all these pictures thought the cleaning out process of my Grandmother’s house, and I want to document it, to remember. But when I do it makes it official, over. I handed over my set (my grandmother’s actually) of keys on Saturday. The Woman already owns the house but she gave us permission to do a final walk through with the keys since she wasn’t ready to move in yet. So that was my Saturday. I know it’s a house, it’s shouldn’t be upsetting to me it’s a place. But I keep having these dreams, that I am talking to my Grandmother, that she is down the street watching her Polka on Saturday Night, and even though the house was empty none of it was complete real because I was still going there all the time, and now I will probably never go in there again, and it’s making me a sobbing mess all over again. I want my grandmother back, I want all my Grandparents back. I’m like a 6 year old. I wish I wasn’t such a mess, I wish I was a normal girl, who ould have made them proud, not this over nervous chubby unpopular, abnormal excuse for a girl. They wanted to be at my Wedding, I failed them all on that part…well, Nanny Banfield when I was 14..
Woa, extra self loathing, sorry about that.
I think now is not the time for those pictures. Now is not the time to close this, I need time.
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